July 30, 2024
The Power of Being Present
Jennifer Horner, Director of Education Development
When you’re little, early childhood can feel like a time warp; an illusion of time that sometimes seems to stand still. Once you’re older and your concept of time is more fully developed, you look back and realize how delicate and fleeting that time really is. Adults and children are a bit opposite in mindset here. Adults are often immersed in the hustle and bustle of responsibilities and to-dos while children have a superpower of getting lost in the moment. Though both are important (we obviously have to keep the train moving!), children are our best teachers in slowing down, sinking in, and being fully present. Here are some strategies to help you to take some tiny steps into being a more present part of their world.
- Dedicate 5-10 minutes to just observing them play. You don’t have to suggest what they do or ask them what they’re doing. Just be near and observe. If you’re a fidgeter like me, bring a small notebook and jot down notes or doodle, or better yet, copy their play and occupy your hands with their blocks, playdough, or puzzle pieces. The key here is to just be an observer and follow their lead. If they engage you in conversation, you can certainly respond but be careful not to interrupt their ideas and initiative.
- Once you’re comfortable with observing without interjecting, add some language development by narrating what they’re doing: “You chose the color blue,” “You put a block on top and made it taller.” These are gives – you’re giving them your time and attention and communicating that you are present and interested in their work. Try to avoid asking questions. Questions can interrupt play by distracting and pressuring a child’s mind to respond to you.
- Give this time between you and your child a fun name. This way they can request it when they need connection time with you. Once established, this may be the signal they give you to let you know there’s something important they want to talk about but would prefer to bring it up during play.
- Set a time limit and place a visual timer nearby (for your child and for yourself) so you’re both aware of when the time will end. Start small. 5 minutes to start is effective.
The Benefits:
- Increased time in the present for you. Think of it as a mindfulness practice.
- Investment in the bond between you and your child.
- Greater awareness of how your child’s mind works in this delicate place in development. This information will also help you better make requests, set boundaries, establish routines, etc. with their personality, temperament and interests in mind.
The phrase “the years are short, but the days are long” couldn’t be more true when parenting young children. Every family’s journey is as unique as each person in it. Our backgrounds, temperaments, the way each of us was parented, our stressors – it all gets bundled into the messiness of being human. While life can be hectic and time seems to move faster with age, we still get to decide how we spend our time. Let’s carve out more moments to get lost in a child’s world, view them as our mindfulness teachers, and be more fully present. My hope is that our future core memories will be reflections of this time we created with them.
Stay tuned to our news section for more and feel free to comment below on which topics you’d like to see next!
Want to read more now? I highly recommend reading or listening to Dr. Becky’s “Good Inside”. She offers LOTS of practical parenting techniques that meet the child and the parent where they are and build their skills simultaneously.